Just the other day hubby was not going to sleep and I told him “ Go to sleep, allengill kokachi varum” {meaning kokachi (a dangerous beast) will come}. Both of us burst out laughing and instead of going to sleep ended up discussing about the ridiculously named scary creatures of our childhood.
As far as my understanding of kokachi, he is this scary ghost, which resides in dark rooms and will take away naughty and disobedient children who refuse to sleep. Like the famous dialogue of Sholay “So jaa beta, nahin toh Gabbar singh aa jayegaa” my family (the maternal side) used to say “vegam orangikko, allengill kokachi varum”. When I checked with hubby, he said that he was familiar with such a similar creature but only the name was different. In his place, the name is “makaan”, “Kaatu maakan” (creature of the jungle). Ok, Ok, I got inspired by Bond, James Bond :-)
The other thing which naughty children were threatened with was that they would get “konthram pallu”. Now my Appachan (grandfather) and uncles have a vivid imagination and they used to describe “konthram pallu” as this huge tooth, which used to grow in the nose. It would grow bigger and bigger and then come out of the nose making the face hideous. The innocent children that we were, we used to touch our nose and check whether “konthram pallu” was growing after we did something particularly naughty.
I should say my uncles had such a gala time, terrorizing us poor nieces and nephew that we are planning to sue them for mental harassment. The next on the list of their cruelty is the story of the plant growing inside your stomach if you accidentally ended up swallowing seeds of fruits. Evenings were the time when the entire family used to gather for tea and palaharam (snacks). When one of the overzealous aunts used to feed fruits to the children, Appachan and uncles were waiting to pounce on the poor child who would invariably swallow a seed. Then would start stories of how the seed would become a sapling in the tummy and then grow into a tree that has branches, which would grow out of your mouth and ears. Stories would go on in full swing ignoring warning looks of the aunts and Ammachi.
We, as kids, used to love looking at the old wedding albums of relatives. It was quite hilarious to look at the yesteryear fashions like bell-bottoms and big moustaches. When we were looking at the album of any of our little cousin’s parents wedding, our uncles were ready to rag the poor child. They would start by asking seemingly innocuous questions like who is the bride and the kid would say ‘amma’ and then move for the kill. After turning a couple of pages, uncles would innocently ask the kid, where he was on his parents wedding. They would further say that his parents don’t love him enough and that’s why he wasn’t called for the wedding. Now our 3 yr old is in doubt and off he runs to the kitchen to find his mom to ask certain tough questions. The poor mother would end up hemming and hawing and give some pacifying answer like the kid was in her stomach and so on….
It brings a smile to my face when I end up reminiscing about the childhood days and I should say that we have had our revenge on our uncles as we used the same tactics on their kids and scared the hell out of them. It was particularly nice to see them squirming at their tiny tot’s question of where was I at your wedding… muahahaha…*evil laughter*
I am sure that all of us were routinely scared by “yakshi”, “pretam”, “rakshasi” and a host of other ghostly things. Do you have any names or incidents, which on remembering now sounds ridiculous?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Sister Act
Came back yesterday after dropping sis at the airport and the house was eerily quiet. She was here for her semester break and it was fun to go back to a non-empty house when she was here. This time around, sis & me have been tickled pink by hubby’s & my colleagues being stumped by our resemblance.
Sis & me look very similar. Infact, the truth is she looks like me. Ha! I can say that with confidence, as I am the elder one. When acquaintances met sis and started chatting with her assuming it was me, it was fun to watch their expressions on later being told that it was sis and not me. Infact one colleague went up to sis and told her it was amazing that I had lost quite a bit of weight (Ahem, warning bells about my increasing weight, which for the time being I am refusing to hear.)
All this takes me back to the time, when we didn’t want to be dead caught wearing anything remotely identical. Rather we despised being told that we resemble a lot. Being the eldest grandchildren in both dad’s & mom’s side, we were invariably the flower-girls for most of the uncles’ and aunts’ weddings. The aunts on their wedding day lived in mortal fear that their bridal veil would be dragged down by us in the midst of a tug of war for the larger portion of the veil ;-)
Mum adding to our consternation had this habit of dressing us in identical frocks. This went on till the time we refused to get out of the house if we were dressed in anything remotely similar. The 4 years age difference between us, which looked so insurmountable back then now looks very trivial. For a long time for me, she was my baby sister who was busy snitching on me or was busy snooping around my personal diaries or plainly making my life miserable by wanting to ape whatever I was doing. The bond between us actually got stronger only when I left home on my first job. That was the time that we actually started speaking with each rather than the usual petty fighting. You know it always used to surprise me that we would be watching TV or looking at somebody and would come up with the same comment at the same time. Talk about Telepathy!!!
Now that hubby has also joined the gang it is great fun that we have this amazing wavelength where only one has to start a sentence and other would finish it. Most of the time, they are ganging up on me and deriving sadistic pleasure in pulling my legs.
Well Min, loved having you here. I feel really touched that you feel close enough to your chettan & me to count us in your list of close friends. I am closing this post by asking you the question, which Tina (hubby’s niece) asked you…. Entha elayammede pole irikkuney??? (Why do you resemble my aunt so much???)
p.s. Soul sistah : you better keep your side of the bargain now that I have written an entire post on you... ;-p
Sis & me look very similar. Infact, the truth is she looks like me. Ha! I can say that with confidence, as I am the elder one. When acquaintances met sis and started chatting with her assuming it was me, it was fun to watch their expressions on later being told that it was sis and not me. Infact one colleague went up to sis and told her it was amazing that I had lost quite a bit of weight (Ahem, warning bells about my increasing weight, which for the time being I am refusing to hear.)
All this takes me back to the time, when we didn’t want to be dead caught wearing anything remotely identical. Rather we despised being told that we resemble a lot. Being the eldest grandchildren in both dad’s & mom’s side, we were invariably the flower-girls for most of the uncles’ and aunts’ weddings. The aunts on their wedding day lived in mortal fear that their bridal veil would be dragged down by us in the midst of a tug of war for the larger portion of the veil ;-)
Mum adding to our consternation had this habit of dressing us in identical frocks. This went on till the time we refused to get out of the house if we were dressed in anything remotely similar. The 4 years age difference between us, which looked so insurmountable back then now looks very trivial. For a long time for me, she was my baby sister who was busy snitching on me or was busy snooping around my personal diaries or plainly making my life miserable by wanting to ape whatever I was doing. The bond between us actually got stronger only when I left home on my first job. That was the time that we actually started speaking with each rather than the usual petty fighting. You know it always used to surprise me that we would be watching TV or looking at somebody and would come up with the same comment at the same time. Talk about Telepathy!!!
Now that hubby has also joined the gang it is great fun that we have this amazing wavelength where only one has to start a sentence and other would finish it. Most of the time, they are ganging up on me and deriving sadistic pleasure in pulling my legs.
Well Min, loved having you here. I feel really touched that you feel close enough to your chettan & me to count us in your list of close friends. I am closing this post by asking you the question, which Tina (hubby’s niece) asked you…. Entha elayammede pole irikkuney??? (Why do you resemble my aunt so much???)
p.s. Soul sistah : you better keep your side of the bargain now that I have written an entire post on you... ;-p
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Why???
mmmm…it’s that time of the year when I am left reminiscing about how things went in the year gone by. After a lot of thought I am left with these 10 questions, which are haunting me time and again. Hopefully next year I can take off a couple of them from my list.
i) Why is it that I am capable of giving perfectly sound advice when it comes to other people and not able to think rationally when it comes to me???
ii) Why is it that I come out as a mature and level headed person (supposedly) to third parties whereas I am so pig headed and stubborn when it comes to close relationships???
iii) Why is it that I am stuffing my face with chips, nuts and all oily things (which by the way tastes so yummy but so bad for my waist) when I come back from work when my eyes refuse to see the perfectly healthy options which are placed right beside it???
iv) Why is it that I refuse to acknowledge all the important people in my life when all the while I am having imaginary conversations with them in my head???
v) Why is it that I know I ought to get in touch with family and close friends whereas I always postpone it with the same reason “May be later”???
vi) Why is it so difficult for me to get out of home on weekends when all through the week I make resolutions of walking around the nearby lake???
vii) Why is it that I get so jealous when I look at a well-turned out female when I know that getting back to shape is not such an insurmountable task???
viii) Why is it that only when I decide to go on a diet it is the festive season and thereby so much more temptations to resist???
ix) Why is it that I don’t make the effort to talk to more people whereas I am constantly looking for escape routes when I meet someone familiar from work at non-work events???
x) Why is it that I know so much about myself and still not able to change even an inch of the things where I am going wrong???
i) Why is it that I am capable of giving perfectly sound advice when it comes to other people and not able to think rationally when it comes to me???
ii) Why is it that I come out as a mature and level headed person (supposedly) to third parties whereas I am so pig headed and stubborn when it comes to close relationships???
iii) Why is it that I am stuffing my face with chips, nuts and all oily things (which by the way tastes so yummy but so bad for my waist) when I come back from work when my eyes refuse to see the perfectly healthy options which are placed right beside it???
iv) Why is it that I refuse to acknowledge all the important people in my life when all the while I am having imaginary conversations with them in my head???
v) Why is it that I know I ought to get in touch with family and close friends whereas I always postpone it with the same reason “May be later”???
vi) Why is it so difficult for me to get out of home on weekends when all through the week I make resolutions of walking around the nearby lake???
vii) Why is it that I get so jealous when I look at a well-turned out female when I know that getting back to shape is not such an insurmountable task???
viii) Why is it that only when I decide to go on a diet it is the festive season and thereby so much more temptations to resist???
ix) Why is it that I don’t make the effort to talk to more people whereas I am constantly looking for escape routes when I meet someone familiar from work at non-work events???
x) Why is it that I know so much about myself and still not able to change even an inch of the things where I am going wrong???
Sunday, December 16, 2007
You know you are growing older when…
1) The new movie heroes are actually younger than you … But thank God for Mammootty, Mohan Lal and our dear Rajni uncle!!! for as long as they are present in the tinsel industry even Mom feels young.
2) The latest heroines are literally half your age and even worse half your weight. But thank God for Madhuri Dixit. She knows the moves even at 40 and that too after 2 kids.
3) Li’l cousins who were just born yesterday handle computers, ipods and all possible electronics with the dexterity of a PRO where I am left fumbling and flustered. But thank God for the cousins’ moms. They make me feel like I am part of the “YO” generation.
4) Li’l cousins who were in frocks and shorts till yesterday suddenly metamorphises into young women who would put Ekta Kapoor’s leading ladies to shame – what with the jintak salwar kameez and matching accessories and Gosh!!! Is that “A kutty” in a shiffon sari??#$#% Thank God for family who has given up on me and let me stay in my trademark signature style – unwashed jeans and uncombed hair ;-p
5) You switch on MTV and not even a single song seems remotely familiar to you. But thank God for Google, where you are sure to find the long lost songs of youth and the first strands of the song is just enough to make you feel 16.
2) The latest heroines are literally half your age and even worse half your weight. But thank God for Madhuri Dixit. She knows the moves even at 40 and that too after 2 kids.
3) Li’l cousins who were just born yesterday handle computers, ipods and all possible electronics with the dexterity of a PRO where I am left fumbling and flustered. But thank God for the cousins’ moms. They make me feel like I am part of the “YO” generation.
4) Li’l cousins who were in frocks and shorts till yesterday suddenly metamorphises into young women who would put Ekta Kapoor’s leading ladies to shame – what with the jintak salwar kameez and matching accessories and Gosh!!! Is that “A kutty” in a shiffon sari??#$#% Thank God for family who has given up on me and let me stay in my trademark signature style – unwashed jeans and uncombed hair ;-p
5) You switch on MTV and not even a single song seems remotely familiar to you. But thank God for Google, where you are sure to find the long lost songs of youth and the first strands of the song is just enough to make you feel 16.
Friday, December 14, 2007
My First Tag!!!
Here comes my first tag in the blogworld. My new friend in the blogsphere has tagged me and here I am doing the honours… Trumpets plzzzzz
5 unique things found in my room:
Now since we live in an apartment I have twisted the room bit to apartment. So here comes the “5 unique things found in my apartment”.
The most unique thing in my house is undoubtedly hubby. Sis and all the people who know him will guarantee that he is one in a trillion.
Him apart, here is the list of unique things:
i) A miniature music box, which plays the tune of “Raindrops keep falling on my head.”
ii. A Turkish eye protecting our house courtesy our Turkish landlords.
iii. Collection of hats in various sizes and shapes from different countries courtesy hubby’s fascination for the same.
iv. A candle holder in the shape of Buddha courtesy a friend who is deeply spiritual.
v. A tiny nativity scene in glass from Venice. The beauty is magnified by the frailty and the smallness of the piece.
5 unique things found in my bag:
A word of advice to Dear Mathew. Never ever E.V.E.R. question the contents of a girls bag. Girls normally have the world in their bag. Since I have a bag cum wallet cum garbage bin, I would take up one of the questions.
i. Visiting cards – now the question is what is so unique about them??? Well, they are my old visiting cards from my ex-organisation. Just a reminder of the old times.
ii. A picture of an elephant drawn by a dear friend 5 years back. Yes, I am a hoarder of old things and also very sentimental (yup right, more mental than senti).
iii. A diary of phone numbers and essential contact information. This is something, which I have with me since the last 15 years. (Now I can see the raised eyebrows and more people agreeing on the mental part ;-) )
iv. A picture made by my kutti cousin. When she presented the drawing to me, I oohed and aahed at it for some time and thanked her for the pic of goldfish in the pond. Its only when she corrected me I understood that she had drawn a parrot in the cage ;-)
v. An assortment of chapsticks :- plain, flavoured, glitter, etc. After all you are peeking into the contents of a girl’s bag…what else did you expect? Now Mathew, this is G.I.R.L.Y… not a tube of Vaseline ;-P
5 unique things found in my room:
Now since we live in an apartment I have twisted the room bit to apartment. So here comes the “5 unique things found in my apartment”.
The most unique thing in my house is undoubtedly hubby. Sis and all the people who know him will guarantee that he is one in a trillion.
Him apart, here is the list of unique things:
i) A miniature music box, which plays the tune of “Raindrops keep falling on my head.”
ii. A Turkish eye protecting our house courtesy our Turkish landlords.
iii. Collection of hats in various sizes and shapes from different countries courtesy hubby’s fascination for the same.
iv. A candle holder in the shape of Buddha courtesy a friend who is deeply spiritual.
v. A tiny nativity scene in glass from Venice. The beauty is magnified by the frailty and the smallness of the piece.
5 unique things found in my bag:
A word of advice to Dear Mathew. Never ever E.V.E.R. question the contents of a girls bag. Girls normally have the world in their bag. Since I have a bag cum wallet cum garbage bin, I would take up one of the questions.
i. Visiting cards – now the question is what is so unique about them??? Well, they are my old visiting cards from my ex-organisation. Just a reminder of the old times.
ii. A picture of an elephant drawn by a dear friend 5 years back. Yes, I am a hoarder of old things and also very sentimental (yup right, more mental than senti).
iii. A diary of phone numbers and essential contact information. This is something, which I have with me since the last 15 years. (Now I can see the raised eyebrows and more people agreeing on the mental part ;-) )
iv. A picture made by my kutti cousin. When she presented the drawing to me, I oohed and aahed at it for some time and thanked her for the pic of goldfish in the pond. Its only when she corrected me I understood that she had drawn a parrot in the cage ;-)
v. An assortment of chapsticks :- plain, flavoured, glitter, etc. After all you are peeking into the contents of a girl’s bag…what else did you expect? Now Mathew, this is G.I.R.L.Y… not a tube of Vaseline ;-P
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Are we growing antisocial as we grow older?
This is a question, which I have been asking myself frequently. It is not as if I have been a very social person all my life. Till some time back (ok, make it a few years back) it was very easy for me to smile and do a “Hi, how are you? ” and talk about weather, global warming and other such social niceties. But it has always been very difficult for me to let somebody become really close to me. I have now reached a point wherein I don’t want to go to large gatherings consisting of mostly unknown people.
I heaved a sigh of relief when my close friend also complained about the same thing. Atleast I have the satisfaction of knowing that I am not the only one having this problem. I guess the basic reason is that as we grow older we become more averse to change. We also become more confident about ourselves and we are at a point where we don’t bother whether are popular or not. Also it becomes very difficult to find people with the same wavelength. Earlier it was easy for me to relate to people even if there was a single common thread between us. But, now I am finding that it is not enough. On top of this I see a spate of networking sites opening up left, right and centre and I am left wondering whether is it just me who is feeling very antisocial?
Orkut, Facebook, Yaari, Dushmani, what nots… these kind of sites are just multiplying exponentially. Though yours truly is present in one such site (didn’t understand the logic to join multiple sites and meet the exact same people in all the sites), I have just made 2 new friends whom I didn’t know before. One thing I see commonly as an introduction is “I am here only to keep in touch with my old friends. If you don’t know me personally, don’t add me as your friend.” Now I confess I too have something on very similar lines on my profile page. To my defense, I am fed up with people having profiles like “Luv me plzzzzz” and “Yours foreverrrrr” begging me for frandsheeps. Now I have very clearly mentioned in “Vendakka aksharam” (Bold & Big letters) that I am married and have also listed out my sterling virtues (pessimistic and antisocial being some of them) but these requests still keep coming. Though I would have to admit it does give my ego quite a kick that Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt had come requesting "friendsheeps" and I turned them down, how I wish they were the real ones and not the “desi” clones.
Now the networking sites do resemble Venice during its carnival time. How else do you explain the multitude of Hrithik Roshans, Deepika Padukones and Aishwarya Rais in my friends list? On the last count I am friends with atleast 3 Deepikas, 2 Lindsays and 4Hrithiks. Now this is a very dynamic situation as “Deepika” can suddenly morph into “Kate Winslet” depending on the “friend’s” immediate frame of mind. What is it about the Internet that makes people try on different masks? Also what is it about the Internet that makes people do things that they will never dream of doing in real life. I know of adolescents who would break into a sweat if a beautiful girl walked past by and the same boys don’t think twice before sending friendship requests to some girl who happens to be a friend of neuighbour’s daughter’s classmate’s relative. Whew!!! All these are rhetorical questions and yes, everyone knows the answers to these questions as well. One word, anonymity.
While I am being over the hill and rejecting all the “louveee” coming my way, I am extremely dazed that my “kutti” cousins some of them all of 10 years are chatting away to glory to totally unknown people whose profile pics makes me think that they have just got out of jail. What is it with today’s world? On one side there are people like me who neither have the drive nor initiative to make new friends and on the other side people who take intense pleasure in sending friendship requests to just anybody and everybody in the site. Where do you draw the line? I sincerely hope and pray that my “kutti” cousins know where to draw the line.
Oops, instead of discussing on people becoming anti-social, this post has turned into a tirade against networking sites. Somehow my views seem very negative when it’s put down in black and white. Networking sites also have its positives. I should admit that I have met some of my long lost school friends thanks to such sites. More so it helps people specifically like me who ended up studying all over India.
I heaved a sigh of relief when my close friend also complained about the same thing. Atleast I have the satisfaction of knowing that I am not the only one having this problem. I guess the basic reason is that as we grow older we become more averse to change. We also become more confident about ourselves and we are at a point where we don’t bother whether are popular or not. Also it becomes very difficult to find people with the same wavelength. Earlier it was easy for me to relate to people even if there was a single common thread between us. But, now I am finding that it is not enough. On top of this I see a spate of networking sites opening up left, right and centre and I am left wondering whether is it just me who is feeling very antisocial?
Orkut, Facebook, Yaari, Dushmani, what nots… these kind of sites are just multiplying exponentially. Though yours truly is present in one such site (didn’t understand the logic to join multiple sites and meet the exact same people in all the sites), I have just made 2 new friends whom I didn’t know before. One thing I see commonly as an introduction is “I am here only to keep in touch with my old friends. If you don’t know me personally, don’t add me as your friend.” Now I confess I too have something on very similar lines on my profile page. To my defense, I am fed up with people having profiles like “Luv me plzzzzz” and “Yours foreverrrrr” begging me for frandsheeps. Now I have very clearly mentioned in “Vendakka aksharam” (Bold & Big letters) that I am married and have also listed out my sterling virtues (pessimistic and antisocial being some of them) but these requests still keep coming. Though I would have to admit it does give my ego quite a kick that Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt had come requesting "friendsheeps" and I turned them down, how I wish they were the real ones and not the “desi” clones.
Now the networking sites do resemble Venice during its carnival time. How else do you explain the multitude of Hrithik Roshans, Deepika Padukones and Aishwarya Rais in my friends list? On the last count I am friends with atleast 3 Deepikas, 2 Lindsays and 4Hrithiks. Now this is a very dynamic situation as “Deepika” can suddenly morph into “Kate Winslet” depending on the “friend’s” immediate frame of mind. What is it about the Internet that makes people try on different masks? Also what is it about the Internet that makes people do things that they will never dream of doing in real life. I know of adolescents who would break into a sweat if a beautiful girl walked past by and the same boys don’t think twice before sending friendship requests to some girl who happens to be a friend of neuighbour’s daughter’s classmate’s relative. Whew!!! All these are rhetorical questions and yes, everyone knows the answers to these questions as well. One word, anonymity.
While I am being over the hill and rejecting all the “louveee” coming my way, I am extremely dazed that my “kutti” cousins some of them all of 10 years are chatting away to glory to totally unknown people whose profile pics makes me think that they have just got out of jail. What is it with today’s world? On one side there are people like me who neither have the drive nor initiative to make new friends and on the other side people who take intense pleasure in sending friendship requests to just anybody and everybody in the site. Where do you draw the line? I sincerely hope and pray that my “kutti” cousins know where to draw the line.
Oops, instead of discussing on people becoming anti-social, this post has turned into a tirade against networking sites. Somehow my views seem very negative when it’s put down in black and white. Networking sites also have its positives. I should admit that I have met some of my long lost school friends thanks to such sites. More so it helps people specifically like me who ended up studying all over India.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Fit as a fiddle
Now don’t get me wrong… The title is no reference to my current physical condition. It is one of my fervent dreams to achieve this condition for the past 3 years and still counting….
While I would like to believe that I am pleasantly plump, my hubby and family have very cruelly demystified my belief by using the darn 3-letter word F.A.T. So proactively *that is after some 6 months of dilly-dallying* I joined my office gym.
I had to take a fitness test before I got to use the fitness facilities. So after successfully scoring single digit points out of a total score of 100 which convinced my instructor that this girl is in urgent need of the facility she let me join. Since some of my colleagues use the gym in the evenings, I very cleverly went for the afternoon slot.
Now, the first day at the changing room, I almost died of shock. I went in and I was faced with women of all sizes and shapes very nonchalantly changing into their gym clothes. (Thankfully they have separate changing rooms for men and women) I made a dash for the shower cabinet, locked it and got into my gym clothes in record speed and ran out. Next came the onerous task to actually start working out. When I gingerly kept my right foot (yes, I am very traditional) into the hallowed territory dreaming open eyed about the slim trim new improved version of me, again I almost died a sudden death, this time due to acute embarrassment. I was the ONLY one wearing ammachi* types tracks (that too in bright red colour) and a matronly T-shirt. Wait a minute, I take it back, even my ammachi won’t be caught dead wearing those tracks while the others were attired in teeny-weeny figure hugging biking shorts and sleeveless Tees. I tell you, these sights were already dousing my enthusiasm and doing nothing for my already plummeting morale, but still I lingered on in the vision of my improved self, which I would attain in a few weeks time. (Did I tell you that I am optimistic???)
My instructor then got around to showing me the functionality of the cross trainers, treadmill, rowing machine and what nots… Since the treadmill was something I felt comfortable, heaved myself up and got things going. I had visions of starting to run like P.T.Usha while the least I could manage was perform the mini earthquake sequence like Shilpa Shirodkar* in some Bollywood dance number.
Now I am all for people who can run effortlessly on the treadmill. I can just salivate looking at their stamina and I get the nice feeling that I am the one who is losing all the calories when they do all the hard work. After the Shirodkar episode, I have been avoiding the treadmill like plague. Now my latest friend is the cross trainer. So while I work out the dynamics of the “push- stamp” cross trainer routine while still ogling at the treadmill dudes, it is time for the ab exercises.
Now this is the most demoralizing exercise of the lot where time and again I am made to realize that colleagues double my age have triple my flexibility. As I grit my teeth and stretch, I constantly think that there must be seriously wrong with me to willingly submit myself through the sheer torture of stretching my TTs*. This is the time when the mirage of the slim trim new improved version of me becomes really very hazy. I have three quarters of the mind to chuck it all and head to the café for that sinful chocolate brownie.
All the above forms of torture are still bearable but what I find really horrendous is when some known colleague comes to gym in the afternoon slot. I get a stomach crunching feeling of being underdressed when my colleagues catch me in the gym. You can tackle them in formal wear with confidence with strategically placed scarfs and shawls which hide the bulge but when they see you in your red ammachi tracks, you get the sensation very akin to when you are caught stealing. (Not that I have much expertise in stealing) Anyways all you can do is to give a “valicha chiri”* and continue sporting.
All these forms of torture have done absolutely nothing to my physique. In fact my weighing scale will tell you in confidence that I have gained a couple more kilos, which you will never hear from moiself. Colleagues have come and gone and in the meanwhile lost 10 kilos whereas all I have done is come and gone.
Seriously you won’t think that it is due to the fact, that I have been having a lot more chocolate brownies, muffins, cookies, tarts, and pastries now that I have started gymming. In fact, the sole reason that I am having all these is to reward my body for the torture I am putting it through with the strenuous workouts and ab crunches. Anyways, tomorrow is an other day and I still have visions of the slim trim new improved version of me. (Well, I did say before that I am optimistic, didn’t I ???)
* Ammachi - grandmother
* Shilpa Shirodkar – A former Bollywood heroine who was very generously endowed. Usual romantic Bollywood dance numbers became hilarious when she was shown trampling some poor Switzerland hill with her slow motion run.
* Valicha chiri – a watered smile which is more of a grimace rather than a smile
*TTs – I can’t be telling you everything. Go figure it yourself ;-p
While I would like to believe that I am pleasantly plump, my hubby and family have very cruelly demystified my belief by using the darn 3-letter word F.A.T. So proactively *that is after some 6 months of dilly-dallying* I joined my office gym.
I had to take a fitness test before I got to use the fitness facilities. So after successfully scoring single digit points out of a total score of 100 which convinced my instructor that this girl is in urgent need of the facility she let me join. Since some of my colleagues use the gym in the evenings, I very cleverly went for the afternoon slot.
Now, the first day at the changing room, I almost died of shock. I went in and I was faced with women of all sizes and shapes very nonchalantly changing into their gym clothes. (Thankfully they have separate changing rooms for men and women) I made a dash for the shower cabinet, locked it and got into my gym clothes in record speed and ran out. Next came the onerous task to actually start working out. When I gingerly kept my right foot (yes, I am very traditional) into the hallowed territory dreaming open eyed about the slim trim new improved version of me, again I almost died a sudden death, this time due to acute embarrassment. I was the ONLY one wearing ammachi* types tracks (that too in bright red colour) and a matronly T-shirt. Wait a minute, I take it back, even my ammachi won’t be caught dead wearing those tracks while the others were attired in teeny-weeny figure hugging biking shorts and sleeveless Tees. I tell you, these sights were already dousing my enthusiasm and doing nothing for my already plummeting morale, but still I lingered on in the vision of my improved self, which I would attain in a few weeks time. (Did I tell you that I am optimistic???)
My instructor then got around to showing me the functionality of the cross trainers, treadmill, rowing machine and what nots… Since the treadmill was something I felt comfortable, heaved myself up and got things going. I had visions of starting to run like P.T.Usha while the least I could manage was perform the mini earthquake sequence like Shilpa Shirodkar* in some Bollywood dance number.
Now I am all for people who can run effortlessly on the treadmill. I can just salivate looking at their stamina and I get the nice feeling that I am the one who is losing all the calories when they do all the hard work. After the Shirodkar episode, I have been avoiding the treadmill like plague. Now my latest friend is the cross trainer. So while I work out the dynamics of the “push- stamp” cross trainer routine while still ogling at the treadmill dudes, it is time for the ab exercises.
Now this is the most demoralizing exercise of the lot where time and again I am made to realize that colleagues double my age have triple my flexibility. As I grit my teeth and stretch, I constantly think that there must be seriously wrong with me to willingly submit myself through the sheer torture of stretching my TTs*. This is the time when the mirage of the slim trim new improved version of me becomes really very hazy. I have three quarters of the mind to chuck it all and head to the café for that sinful chocolate brownie.
All the above forms of torture are still bearable but what I find really horrendous is when some known colleague comes to gym in the afternoon slot. I get a stomach crunching feeling of being underdressed when my colleagues catch me in the gym. You can tackle them in formal wear with confidence with strategically placed scarfs and shawls which hide the bulge but when they see you in your red ammachi tracks, you get the sensation very akin to when you are caught stealing. (Not that I have much expertise in stealing) Anyways all you can do is to give a “valicha chiri”* and continue sporting.
All these forms of torture have done absolutely nothing to my physique. In fact my weighing scale will tell you in confidence that I have gained a couple more kilos, which you will never hear from moiself. Colleagues have come and gone and in the meanwhile lost 10 kilos whereas all I have done is come and gone.
Seriously you won’t think that it is due to the fact, that I have been having a lot more chocolate brownies, muffins, cookies, tarts, and pastries now that I have started gymming. In fact, the sole reason that I am having all these is to reward my body for the torture I am putting it through with the strenuous workouts and ab crunches. Anyways, tomorrow is an other day and I still have visions of the slim trim new improved version of me. (Well, I did say before that I am optimistic, didn’t I ???)
* Ammachi - grandmother
* Shilpa Shirodkar – A former Bollywood heroine who was very generously endowed. Usual romantic Bollywood dance numbers became hilarious when she was shown trampling some poor Switzerland hill with her slow motion run.
* Valicha chiri – a watered smile which is more of a grimace rather than a smile
*TTs – I can’t be telling you everything. Go figure it yourself ;-p
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