Hmmm!

Hmmm, it’s been a loooonnngggg time since I have been giving the cold shoulder to this tiny space of mine. I have several solid reasons that I can tell you but I am not sure whether you have the patience to listen to them.

Well, excuse no: 1: Pregnancy - I tell you, this is an excellent excuse to get away with anything and everything :-)

Sample this …
Hubz: "Why have you not posted nephew’s b’day card?"
Eljo: *said b’day card had totally skipped her mind, takes some time to think* "Oh, I am pregnant!!! How can you ask me to do any task???!#&$&"

Hubz: *comes home tired hoping to eat something nice and warm. Sees there is no food* “What??? No dinner??? ”
Eljo: *busy switching channels on TV* “Hmmm, I am pregnant. How can you expect me to cook food??? #@^$& ”

Eljo: *busy polishing off chocolate mousse cake before moving on to palada payasam which a friend has generously shared*
Hubz: *looks on with genuine wonder as to how one person can eat so much*
Eljo: “Don’t even think about it!!! I am pregnant and I have the license to hog”
Hubz: “But I didn’t even say anything…”

So you see dear people, this one reason itself has been so good and effective that I haven’t had the opportunity to rack my brains for any other reason. But now that there is barely 8 weeks of pregnancy left, I have to seriously start thinking of other reasons to continue my obnoxious behaviour and generally take life easy.

So my dear peoples, please to give me some solid reasons so that I can continue to get away with doing exactly as I please and poor Hubz has no choice but to keep his mouth shut. Your suggestions would be tried on Hubz to test the effectiveness and the person who offers the most successful suggestion would have my undying gratitude and can expect similar suggestions from me in their times of need ;-)

Hair Raising Tales – Part II

Statutory Warning: Any resemblance to any living persons are purely intentional ;-p

Scene 1:

Cast: Guy, Gal and Gal’s sis on visit
Time : Friday evening relaxing at home in the weekend mode.


Gal : *depressed as her new hair cut is not making her look younger. In fact, it makes her look like a wet hen with spiked feathers, owing to the stupid mousse the hairdresser used* “My hair is a disaster $(#%(#%)%”

Guy: “Here, have a glass of red wine” *Guy’s way of solving all problems in the world is by having a glass of red wine. Alternate solution is having a glass of beer of course!*


Scene 2:

Gal: *Drinking her red wine contemplating for the nth time why the hairdresser had to use the mousse*

Sis: “Chech, remember the fringe you had ages ago???”

Gal: *getting out of her reverie* “What, where, when??? Oh, the one I had a decade ago! ”

Guy : *guffawing* “Fringe!@#$& You had a fringe ”
Gal: *selective hearing mode on. Conveniently ignores Guy. Listens to Sis*

Sis: “You know you used to look quite cute with the fringe. ”

Guy: *still guffawing* “Fringe!@#$& You had a fringe ”


Scene 3:

Gal: *slinks away to the bedroom and chops off a lock of hair, looks at the mirror and checks whether she looks 10 years younger. Sees that answer is NO and chops off some more*

Guy & Sis: *hears no sound of Gal and comes to inspect, as they are sure that Gal is upto some mischief as she is unusually quiet*

Sis: What???@$$)@#$* You cut your hair.

Gal: *a wry grimace and tries to cover up the disaster*

Guy: *still guffawing* “Fringe!@#$& Now, you have a fringe. Is this what is called Fringe Benefits??? ”

Sis: “You know we should cut some more, then only it will be even”

Gal: *Lets Sis chop off some more hair*

Scene 4:

Gal: *gets up in the morning. Sees the “fringe” standing up like that of Dennis, the Menace. Infact looks even worse; it actually resembles a “ra” written in Malayalam* “Sis#@*$* you better take a life insurance. There’s no way I am letting you walk away from this. ”

Guy: *howling with laugher, but tries to muffle his laughter owing to the steely glare from the gal*

Sis: *slinking away and not making any smartass comments owing to her fear for her life*


Scene 5:

Gal * desperately applying water, oil, gel to straighten the said “RA” to make it look more decent & respectable*

Moral of the story: Never underestimate the power of one glass of red wine especially when drunk on an empty stomach. It makes you do unimaginable things….

**********

She came, she saw, she fell…among other things

In a synopsis, that’s what our last weekend was. (For more details, you could take a peek here). The weekend, which was eagerly awaited, ended in an anti-climax. Oops, before I forget the climax was of course the part where I called up emergency and they asked me how was I sure that I am dying right now???&@*$

Sis was here last weekend. We had major plans of taking her out owing to unusually good weather but all we did was sit at home and peek out of the window… *sigh*

Things started going downhill on Thursday evening itself. I started feeling unwell but then decided to ignore hoping I will feel better by the next day. Friday dawned, my health no better. But still went about as usual.

Friday evening 6.45 pm:
Airport, pick up sis.

Friday evening 8.30 pm:
Finish dinner, me feeling positively unwell. Hubby & sis decide to check out Chinese New Year celebrations in central part of city. They are cycling their way there.

Friday night 10.30 pm: Mr. Murphy in full action.
I have no choice but to call emergency. Hubz and a limping Sis arrive due to her dare-devilry atop the cycle. I mentally prepared to call up emergency.

Conversation ensued as follows:
Me: Hello, this is Eljo. I am ….
Emergency lady: What is your full name?

Me: But I am feeling …
Emergency lady: Now your Date of Birth.

ME: I am …
Emergency lady: Now your postcode.

By now I am sure that she is not going to ask me why I am calling her in the first place.

Emergency Lady: *very exasperatedly* now what is the problem?
ME: *thinking of saying “Fire on the mountain, run, run run” but realizing that I have called emergency and not fire department start with the problems*

Emergency Lady: *very disinterestedly* Oh… but can’t this wait till Monday??
ME: I don’t think I will be alive till then… (They don’t call me drama- queen for nothing!!!)

Emergency Lady: *Convinced by my dialogue delivery * Ok, come and meet the doctor tomorrow morning at 9.00 am…
ME: *relieved* OK, thanx
Emergency Lady: *Thad!!! plonked the phone down*

In the meanwhile, hubby helping out limping sis with volini…

Saturday, morning 5.30 am
Me feeling worse and am pretty sure that I am on my way to pearly gates very soon. I do a quick rewind and scan my past for any deed for which I will be sent Down Under. Skips aside all the nagging and fighting with hubby as acceptable way of life as that’s why it is called martial life (oops! Sorry…marital life)

Saturday morning 5.45 am:
Again call Emergency and stuck with the same Emergency aunty. What are the odds of that??? Like I said before Murphy uncle was in full form…

ME: *in a dramatic voice* I had called before…
Emergency Lady: What is your name?

ME: you have all my details. Pls this is urgent.
Emergency Lady: Now your date of birth.

ME: *how about 31 April? Seriously this lady was pushing her limits*
Manages to squeak out DOB and postcode details lest she assumed that I had changed houses in 5 hours time.

Emergency Lady: Why did you wait so long?
ME: *What the ****? * You told me to wait till tomorrow morning….

Anyways to cut a long story short, managed to see the Doc on Saturday morning. Found out that it was not as life threatening as was assumed by yours truly.

Came back home and 2 injured sisters decided to penalize one miserable guy to do as per their bidding. Poor guy got so fed up that he decided it was better for him to sprain his ankle and sit at home rather than running around satisfying demands of two high-maintenance drama queens ;-)


Pssst: If you find one tall guy limping around saying he got a sprain while playing basketball, don’t believe him!!! ;-)